"Directioners are the deadliest of all fandoms" - The Retired Directioner

I am a retired directioner. Obsession is one word that comes to mind when I think of that time in my life. Passionate, crazy, wonderful, and irrational are also others. Being part of the "Directioner" fandom was interesting and entertaining. I learned a lot about myself, about other Directioners, and the most about these five boys that made up the band "One Direction." I don't regret this time period, but simply reflect on the times I had. The laughs, the tears, mostly the tears, and the uncontrollable love I felt for these five british and one irish boys.

Fandom, according to Urban dictionary - "The community that surrounds a tv show/movie/book etc. Fanfiction writers, artists, poets, and cosplayers are all members of that fandom. Fandoms often consist of message boards, livejournal communities, and people." I think there is a lot more to fandom then this definition. We are a community that becomes a family at one point. In these community, we build relationships with others based on one main fact about each other - are undenying love of this celebrity, tv show, etc. It's a way to make friends, have a different social life than that in your family and school, and have a sense of belonging. Us fangirls and fanboys are what fuel the celebrity system. The Star System creates an image, fan magazines circulate the image and create general interest, the fan clubs react to these images by expressing their interest and supporting the Star System, then the Star System creates what the fangirls* want. This triangle of media creates a system that works, and has been working for quite a while now. We all need each other to function. Directioners are definitely part of one of the most dedicated fandoms in the world right now - I don't even know how I got out. I consider myself a retired Directioner because of my obsession reducing to a very subtle interest on what's going on in their life now. Directioners are often considered some of the most deadly, obsessive, and most passionate fans out there.

The activities that I would engage in were much more parasocial then I led myself to believe. I honestly felt like the boys knew me and understood me, and I definitely understood them - it got to the point where I could recognize the boys by just seeing their chins. I knew deep down that this was in fact a parasocial relationship, but I really felt like the boys knew me and understood their fans, just like how I thought I understood them. I liked tons of pages on facebook about the boys with pictures and the latest gossip, followed multiple tumblrs dedicated to One Direction, and followed all five of them and their crew on Twitter. I would talk to these twitter, facebook and tumblr users, obsessing and 'fangirling' about Niall, Harry, Zayn, Liam and Louis. Who had the whitest teeth, the best hair, the hottest girlfriends, etc. I bought a One Direction pillow case, One Direction jewellery, posters, magazines, and so many other things that I thought at the time were great ways to spend my money. One activity that my other fangirl friends would  like to participate in was to hate on The Wanted fans - the known enemy of One Direction. All the fans would get involved in these Twitter brawls between members of both bands, not something I personally participated in, and things could get quite heated. The directioners always seemed to win. This is one of the main reasons why we are considered the deadliest of all fandoms.

It was great being a fan. It introduced me to a whole new social circle and new music. I would have never heard of the band Little Mix if it weren't for Zayn Malik's girlfriend, Perrie, being a member of the group. I felt a sense of belonging, and that no matter what happened in reality, I would always have this parasocial relationship that nobody else could control. I had never been so devoted to something or someone, except for my own music that I create. There were downsides to being a fan. I often felt excluded from the fandom and felt like a 'bad fan' if I hadn't seen the latest interview, hadn't watched their latest music video, or hadn't heard their latest song. Sometimes, I would get sad for no reason, realizing for a moment that really, these boys will never notice me. They will never know who I am. Never really appreciate how much I supported them. I knew this was healthy for me and my parents encouraged it, but not long ago I realized I had to stop. I was spending too much time on these boys and needed to get back to reality. So, this is why I am a retired directioner. It was fun while it lasted, and I will still always love them (especially Niall), but time to get back to reality. One thing though - reality is not as much fun.

*I am using solely fangirl to describe the people in these fandoms because I, myself, am a fangirl.